Moral Nudity Abroad

Abstract Suzie awakes to a rustling of her sheets. She lifts her head out of the covers to meet an enormous pair of children's eyes. Abstract Suzie is nose to nose with her French home-stay-family's-7 year old daughter. "COO-COO, GRACE!" Abstract Suzie is hungover, Abstract Suzie doesn't know how 7 year old Nicole got into her locked room. "TU AS BIEN DORMI?!!!!!"
It is 8 a.m., Sunday morning. Abstract Suzie raises her heavy head, and lets Nicole pull her downstairs into the kitchen by her pinkie-toe. She blinks. Abstract Suzie is seated at the breakfast table in front of her entire French family (grandmother included), who are dressed for the 9 o'clock Sunday mass. Abstract Suzie is morally naked.

Abstract Suzie Goes to France

Slight Upset

Abstract Suzie is walking to lunch. Today, she has on her favorite puffy, purple jacket, that has an enormous hood which wraps around her entire head; a downy, purple puff of safety. Abstract Suzie is thinking to herself, "Today is a good day, look, there is the Sun, and also, there are birds, and leafy greens, today will be quite alright". Abstract Suzie is feels spontaneous. She decides to walk across to the other side of the bridge to look at the stream beneath: SCCCCRRREEEEAAAACCCHHHH! Abstract Suzie looks up to find that she has almost been run over by a silent, eco-friendly Prius, stopped two inches from her knees.

Cultural Misstep

Abstract Suzie is having lunch with her friends. Abstract Suzie is filled with glee, as she discovers that today the cafeteria is offering "Vegan Silk Chocolate Mousse Pie". Abstract Suzie cannot even believe her luck. Foaming at the mouth, Abstract Suzie picks up her slice and makes her way over to the lunch table, where she is encountered with a culturally awkward situation; Abstract Suzie's friend has brought her attractive British boyfriend to lunch. Abstract Suzie is very uncomfortable, as she has a habit of speaking in a very high, squeaky, even shrill British accent for comedic relief. It is now absolutely inappropriate to speak. Abstract Suzie concentrates her vision onto her pie.
"Ehnd whaht shooohd I dew about thees plate? Dahze ehnee bahdy know wheah I should toss it?"
"Grace, can you show him?"
Abstract Suzie looks up from her plate, her mouth stuffed-full of fake whipped cream. Without taking a gulp, Abstract Suzie opens her creamy mouth, and says "RIGHT-OH! CHEEHP-CHOP, OFF TO THEE DISPOOOOSAHL!" Bouts of cream fly all over the Brit, like snow. Abstract Suzie is not allowed to speak at the lunch table anymore.

Predicament

Abstract Suzie is conflicted. It should first be mentioned that Abstract Suzie is a romantic environmentalist. She is deciding whether she should be on time to work, or whether she should take the metro; work ethic or ethic. Work ethic? Ethic?
Abstract Suzie's blood pressure is rising.
If she takes the metro, she might get caught in a thunderstorm again, and she will absolutely not get caught in a fucking thunderstorm again. It is also hot. She is hot. Abstract Suzie is freaking out. Ruefully, she looks down at her rain-proof outfit and decides to take her car. She was going to take the car as to avoid being late; she is fifteen minutes late. She says fuck this, she is taking the fucking metro because Abstract Suzie is the change, not the problem. She is forty-five minutes late. Abstract Suzie descends upon SW 32nd Avenue, she pushes the tiny Cross Walk button, causing thirty commuting cars to stop. Abstract Suzie realizes that she has just completely canceled out her negative carbon footprint.